Another Addiction

I find out that I have become very absorbed into the written word. I can't write or read enough.

I am constantly thinking of things that I want to know more about. I think about what I'm going to write about next. Why do I have to have this defect of personality? 

Everything I do seems to become an addiction. I think it helps me not think about things that are really troubling me. (That is what I have heard anyway.) It's an issue of control. 

On some level I realize I can't control what goes on around me so I embed my self  into some interest that will draw my attention and concentration away from that inability to control. Compulsion and obsession keep me from feeling uncomfortable feelings. Some of the time I can't even identify what is troubling me. Although I don't want to have compulsions and obsessions about anything, I have never lived life like that so I don't even know what it feels like not to be in some sort of addiction. 

This is my normal.

Only One Place to Stay

I know homelessness.

I am homeless.

Hickory, North Carolina is a typical small town that has many empty manufacturing and warehouse buildings because of the furniture and textile industry going overseas following NAFTA. It is big enough to have public transportation but the bus lines only run once every hour and stop altogether by 6:30 pm Monday through Friday and 4:30 pm on Saturday. There is a struggling downtown square and of course on the outskirts there is a Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, a few more popular stores and a mall.

If you are homeless, Hickory is the place to be. Three meals are served daily between the Salvation Army and the Hickory Soup Kitchen and they are only 1 mile apart. If you go hungry in Hickory, it's your own fault. You can shower at The Salvation Army, CCM (Cooperative Christian Ministries of Hickory), The Soup Kitchen, or the Grace House and there and probably a few more places that I have missed. If you need clothes, you can ask at The Salvation Army Resource Center and CCM.

Now, if you are newly homeless, there is really only one place to go - The Salvation Army. Caution: keep this in mind:
         

1. You cannot be on the sexual offender list.
2.  You will be breathalyzed during the intake process. If you've been drinking, you have no place to go.
3.  If you have smoked weed in the past 28 days, or have done any other street drugs in the last few days, forget it. Don’t waste their time and your time – those tests are expensive. Come back when you are clean.
4. If you have taken any narcotic prescription pills you had better have the prescription bottle with your name on it

·        If you can’t stay at the Sally, find a city bench rather than take your chances staying in a home or tent with someone you don't know. Either find a bench to sleep on or spend the night walking from bench to bench. If you get really cold or really hot you can walk to the Frye Hospital Emergency Department but you won’t be able to stay there all night.

If you have no desire to try to get in at The Salvation Army, get a tent and find some woods in the city where you will "feel" safe. Keep in mind that urban camping is illegal. If you need a tent, go to The Grace House and let someone there help you get in contact with Roger and you will probably have a tent within a week's time. If it's winter, also ask Roger for a heater for your tent.

If you find a good place to camp I have four suggestions for you:

1.              First and most importantly do not tell anyone where your tent is at. You do not have to tell the police         where your camp is. 
2.       Try hard not to let any car or pedestrian traffic see you walking into the woods near your camp.
3.             Try to walk into the woods in different ways so there isn't a trail that can be seen by the road.
4.             Do not make a fire! The smoke signals will bring the po po who will give you a hard time about anything they feel like giving you a hard time about.

"Hey, what about that empty house? If I found a good way to get in and laid low I would at least have a roof over my head."

I wouldn't do that. I have never heard of anyone getting a warning from the police for doing that. It is trespassing at best and breaking and entering at worst. You will end up with a mug shot and a jail cell.

"The Salvation Army is the only place?"

Yes, you have some options. There are some places to consider for a future time that you need to apply for, but for now there is only one place to stay. I personally have both lived in a tent and have stayed at The Salvation Army. Go to The Salvation Army.

blindsided

What do you do when some one you know well tells you that they were in jail while you were an undergrad at a State College and escaped with another person who was with them in jail and they got caught on their way to Oklahoma?

The older we get, the more of a past we have. This new information is really freaking me out. I have some thinking to do.

The Middle

I find myself in the middle of MANY things right now: my Christmas Season expectations, making Pathway Outreach Ministries NC a non-profit organization, writing a memoir, creating a business to employ men and women having difficulty finding work because of homelessness, past incarcerations  or a host of other past situations where as a result they are now at a disadvantage for securing steady employment, finding a part time paying job, contemplating a romantic relationship that has more downs than ups, recovering from multiple and varied aspects of character defects, and reading 8 books. I could write more but the remainder seem silly to actually write down on paper.

At the 2012 Global Leadership Conference, Bill Hybels asked ministry leaders, "Where is vision most vulnerable to failure?  Toward the start or toward the middle or toward the end?" Then he said, "It is right in the middle. You start out sprinting. And when you get closer to the end, you are sprinting to the finish."

Am I whining? No. I'm just lacking focus. The first important step in solving a problem is to be able to identify it. Okay, step one complete.

How am I going to solve this 'middle business'? I am going to write down where I want to see myself regarding each thing I currently find myself in the middle of in one year, in 3 years, in 6 months, and 1 month. If I don't know where I want to end up at, I sure can't make any direction toward getting there. Doing this should help me to regain my focus and recognize the next step to make.

Nothing here is rocket science. I need to break things down into manageable parts.

The paradox is that I just put myself in the middle of something else. 

Beginning

It is in the struggle that we grow.

While times of struggle are not necessarily sought, looking in the rear view mirror, we see the good that came from them.

This is a blog of struggle and that's all I can write now because I'm struggling to deal nicely with the boyfriend with the broken leg who is a living room fixture for the next 8 weeks.